Raw Parenting
By: Charisma Biyani & Scott Luther
For collective intimacy, parenting is all-encompassing and ineffable
Of all the relationships celebrated, interrogated, and lampooned, parenting had both the most airtime and the wildest range – from pure joy to abject horror. Romantic partners (current and exes), friends, family members, co-workers, nemeses…nothing could hold a candle to the relatability and schadenfreude that parenting life contains.
In our first 50 episodes, only 5 did not feature at least one clip about parenting life
Warming Hearts or Warning Bells?
So many videos being collected for HAWW that share the experience of parenting life reflect the monumental - quite literally life changing - significance that parenting has on people.
For many, it becomes their single most important marker of identity. Analysis of social media bio’s suggests that Mom/Dad (and their variants) are the most commonly used words to communicate who you are in 100 characters or less.
The patterns of daily life change. Snack time, nap times and bedtime routines dominate the passage of time. The people you spend time with change. You’re now in-the-know; the knowing glances and simple “we’ve all been there” head-nods of solidarity connect you with the fellowship of frazzled parents.
But more so than the total quantity of videos about parenting that were curated, the range of topics, emotions, and types of stories was surprising. If the “instagram version” of your life is shorthand for only sharing the most polished, superficial, highlights, ParentingTok has dropped all the filters. The exhaustion, the often-times revolting reality of small humans, the unpredictability - all are on full display. And all clearly resonate - bonding through shared traumatic experiences, offering relief that “at least it wasn’t us” and as signal for others to show support and encouragement. Parents helping parents cope.
The highs are indeed high
The lows come at your fast
What’s driving all the sharing?
The Parent’s Perspective, from: Charisma Biyani, Connections Strategy Director
To understate it a little: parenting is a lot. Parents need time to decompress and disengage from parenting. But increasingly that means surrendering to the pull of the social feed, where you cant help but lean into the community. Lament the implausible, laugh at the relatable and laud those leading the charge in changing the narrative. Parenting really just takes over your life, and we are kinda helpless to it as seen by the sheer number of parent creators and ParentTok content.
Second, ParentTok is surprisingly informative. Once you get past the especially viral content that makes it into most feeds, the majority of millennial parents use social for information and support. Much of this started during the pandemic. The rise of babies, stay-at-home mandates, and parents having to navigate "alone" all helped fuel the power of social. But what is interesting is once that door opened, it has stayed open. Social is now a fundamental part of the parent experience. In decades prior this communal support, advice, and secondary parenting was provided by actual support systems IRL (grandparents, friends, neighbors). Now parents can foster connection via a digital support group in the form of ParentTok. Come learn a thing or two about potty training and toddler eats via TikTok, you’ll never escape the algorithm.
Third - watch the Woody video. Children's joy is so hard to ignore and so damn inviting. Everyone gets the warm and fuzzies from those.
ParentingTok is leaking
The Non-Parent’s View, from: Scott Luther, Head of Connections
As social expanded from Facebook to Instagram, and now to TikTok, the dynamics of the feed changed. No longer is content shared only to people you know (or even just one-degree-removed outward). When something resonates, it disperses widely. Resonance drives spread, pulling in more people. That fuels the communal feel and much of the true connection of the parenting experience on social today.
But that dynamic also means that parent-intended and coded content gets served to lots of other people. The algorithms are checking - it’s resonating with person A, let’s see if person B will give it a watch. In that rapid test of resonance, lots of non-parents get exposed to this raw, maybe informative, but most often somewhat extreme view of parenting. After all - the everyday moments, the normal routines, the quiet joy of being a parent isn’t nearly as likely to be captured. And is almost guaranteed not to be shared.
Which means that non-parents view of parenting life is could be getting skewed. What comes across as just-normal - and is clearly endorsed as such by how much support it generates from other parents - presents a representation of parenting as nothing but highs and lows. Unpredictability incarnate.
Does exposing the highs and the graphic and unforgettable lows - change the perception of having kids among those who haven’t yet joined the club? Does the more unfiltered view of parenting cause people to question if the lifestyle they are getting an up close glimpse at is right for them?
Or does the raw truth give people fair warning, so the unpredictable and chaotic becomes slightly less so - helping more aspiring parents go all-in, eyes wide open and prepared for anything.
Time will tell. But in the meantime, parents: get some sleep, I hear you need it.